Today was a hard day… this blog post is a way to process it. I’m just going to be word dumping, so this may be unstructured, unpolished, and even unspiritual. As I speak, the cities in eastern Ukraine are being pounded with high explosives, and we may have missiles coming at us again in a few hours. This morning (technically yesterday morning, as the clock has already struck midnight… I’m talking about September 4), Katya and I heard 8 explosions, hypersonic cruise missiles hitting our city. One of them blew the windows in of a friend’s home. One of them cracked the windows of the seminary where Katya is working this week. One of them blew up an apartment building and a whole family died… except for the husband / father.

How do you deal with that? What’s he feeling? Why does life have to hurt this badly? God, why is life so painful? Why is life pain?

I saw on a friend’s facebook page that there was a mass shooting today in GA. Terrible. I’m sure there are a few of those folks feeling like us today. Numb. Stressed. Distracted.

I talked to a guy that used to live in Zapporizhia. They are hit just about every day with the kind of shelling we saw for the first time since New Year.

God, why does life hurt so bad?

I wanted to blame Him for some pain yesterday. Life is hard, and things can seem so random sometimes. However, the worst hurts in life are always caused by people. People, real physical people that cause so much pain and suffering and destruction and hell on this earth.

This year it’s Putin. For someone else at a different time it was someone else.

We are the problem.

Why does God keep us around?

I guess that could lead me to the idea that He actually does love us. He cares and wants to find a way to redeem us out of this mess.

It still hurts, though.

It still hurts when little boys and little girls pay for Putin’s wars with their arms, legs, and family members. It still hurts when mom and dad have to bury their son or daughter that died. That’s true regardless of any war or other circumstance.

I’m having trouble processing all of this stuff today. Tonight. Right now… It’s 12:23 am. I can’t sleep.

Let’s check the missile radar…

Suicide drones in eastern Ukraine. Guided bombs in the northeast… nothing coming to Lviv… for now.

I don’t know how folks can live in those places…

I guess you guys reading this are probably thinking the same thing about me, about us in Lviv.

Honestly, most of the folks that could’ve left to have a “better life” somewhere already did. If you’re still living in Sumy, Kharkiv, Kherson, or Zapporizhia, you may be there because you feel like you don’t have anywhere else to go.

Folks flee to our city because we get bombed less.

I heard from some of them today that they got flashbacks this morning from their home towns.

I’m glad Katya is asleep. She has work in the morning.

This is like trying to sleep after a car crash that you woke up to as a passenger last night thinking, “Man… I wonder who is going to hit us on the next leg of the journey,” and you’re pretty sure it’s actually going to happen.

Should I sleep at all?

Here’s one that I come back to often when I can’t sleep…

Answer me when I call, O God of my righteousness! You have given me relief when I was in distress. Be gracious to me and hear my prayer! O men, how long shall my honor be turned into shame? How long will you love vain words and seek after lies?

Selah

But know that the Lord has set apart the godly for himself; the Lord hears when I call to him. Be angry, and do not sin; ponder in your own hearts on your beds, and be silent.

Selah

Offer right sacrifices, and put your trust in the Lord. There are many who say, “Who will show us some good? Lift up the light of your face upon us, O Lord!”

You have put more joy in my heart than they have when their grain and wine abound. In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.
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Psalm‬ ‭4‬:‭1‬-‭8‬ ‭ESV

Thand God for peace that surpasses our understanding.

And thank you all for going through these emotions with me.

Love you all. God bless.